I am a cis woman (she/her) who identifies as bi and grey ace. I am also monogamous and married. My partner is a cis man (he/him) who also identifies as bisexual/pansexual. We are a different-gendered couple in a queer relationship, and that cannot be taken away from either of us. 

Too often, I feel like I am not queer enough because I chose the forever partner I did. Too often, I feel like I am not queer enough because I see more ally flags than ace flags at Pride (and “A” is not for ally) or because I don’t want to talk about “sexuality” or “sexual” orientation - I want to talk about my identity and how I love others. But I am queer enough. I am queer. I am allowed to take up space and carry my pride even when it feels crushingly invisible.

May we have pride even if we don’t look, act, or love the way we are told. Even if we don’t fit into the boxes of heteronormative binary society or the queer community. Even if we have a different-gender partner. Even if we look for spaces without sex in a movement too often portrayed as sexual. Even if we don’t fully understand ourselves, our identity, our love, our sex and sexuality, our needs, and even if the lines are blurred or they change by the day. Even if our colors change. Even if it took us “too long” to find our pride. Even if we grew up too scared to believe in pride. Even if we are attracted to different genders differently. Even if others question the labels that fit us the best. 

May we have pride through our connection to others, not how others try to define it for us. And may we carry our pride beyond just this month, through the year, and through the history that is forever unfolding in front of us. 

With love,


Black Lives Matter

I have been away from my blog through quarantine as a result of what can only be described as my entire brain turning to mashed potatoes with days that blend together and run over me like gravy. In that time, so much has happened, and so much is still happening. We are in the midst of a pandemic, under an administration that cannot be trusted to handle it. We are in the midst of a revolution, carried by the birthing pains of the rights we all deserve and the slow death of a system that should have been serving all of us all along. While I created this blog as a space to explore my own experiences freely, and all of my experiences are blanketed in white privilege, I do not want to ignore speaking out on things that matter so much. I am anonymous here, but I am a white ciswoman and a social scientist with a role to play and a voice to use. I want you to know that I am using it even though I can’t find the written words to share here sometimes. I invite you to use your voice with me. We are allowed to take breaks and care for our mental health, but we are also obligated to learn the balance between self-care and using our privilege to amplify others. I will share more on these topics when I am able. In the meantime, I affirm that black lives matter. Black trans and nonbinary lives matter. Black queer lives matter. Black disabled lives matter. Black. Lives. Matter.

With so much love,